We had planned to hang out tonight, but at the last minute I decided to chill alone. There are a million things going on in my head right now. Some of them are of the usual "rut" variety, some of them are my frustrations with several differnet aspects of my life and I just knew tonight I would not be good company. Thinking I would come home and wash my car, I chilled out for a minute and gathered to stuff to wash my car. And the damned self-wash was taken up for a good 90 minutes and the sun was setting. Ok, scratch that idea. So I tried to do some cleaning up around the place. Yea, no joy on that front either. I spent most of the evening with my mind split between listening to the fountain outside, Monday Night Football and Myspace. So basically I spent most of the evening trying to distract myself from the shit that was going on in my head. The present, past, future and what if's all collided.
One thing for certain is that I can be a pain the ass boyfriend. I'm moody, selfish, craver of space, an over-analyer and for all intents and purposes may be still in single guy mode. Tonight being a prime example. I just wanted to be alone to deal with the demons swimming around in my head about life. I didn't want to have to talk about work, family, health and whatever the hell else. And what did I do? I spent the entire night avoiding the stuff going on in my head. And we could've actually hung out! Grrr. I am an ass.
Posted by tony at October 8, 2007 4:07 PM | TrackBack