What the fuck was I thinking in hosting another game night?
Today I invited/reminded a couple of more people about it. Officially there are 11 people who have RSVP'd to show up. Unofficially I think another 7-8 people may just show up. Alright, so, what the fuck did I get myself into? Granted, it's gotten progressively easier to throw these things. The first get together was a friggin' nightmare - but fun. I spent more time cooking in the kitchen than actually spending it with my guests. Now, people bring their own liquor - saves big time on cost. I fix a lot more foods that can be ready when guests arrive, rather than being in the kitchen while people are here. A couple of hot items that's actual food. Then some vege platters, dips & chips for munching on later.
In a couple of weeks I'm going to start thinking how NO ONE is going to show up. Which is possible. There have been occasions where I've thrown something that flopped. So either this next game night is going to be a collossal failure or one really crazy house-filled fun fest.
Can't I just skip to the hangover the next day?
The past week has been hella weird. Akilah and I have been staying up late, closely watching the news about the fires, areas affected and the mayhem that has ensued all across San Diego county. We did this literally all day and well into the night. One interesting thing to note is the media was not entirely impartial or unbiased in their reporting. It seemed all of the news outlets tended to linger over the more affluent neighborhoods. Being a relative newcomer to San Diego, I honestly don't know where the lines are. I guess it may be like saying, if something broke out in LA and Beverly Hills, Culver City and Brentwood got all the attention. While Baldwin Hills or areas near Crenshaw Blvd. were ignored. To emphasize the point, people would call into the SD news station and pointendly ask if they would report on what was going on near Lakeside, Fallbrook and similarly less affluent areas. How fucking ironic.
Note: I'm not trying to draw a racial comparison, at least in the SD fires reporting. Flat out, most of the people in those less affluent areas are mostly white with a lot less money.
Over the course of the week Akilah and I became one of the nexus (nexi, plural?) of information for stuff going on at work. Who would've thunk it? Both of our phones were going off from early in the morning to well into the night. It helped that my phone was tied to our email server at work. My phone has never seen the workout than it got this week. One of us would get word about some news, and then call everybody we knew and passed the word on and asked those people to do the same.
The melancholy moment came when Akilah left tonight. We spent most of the week together, because she lived in an area that could be evacuated at any moment. Selfishly, it was good having her here too because that let me know she was ok. Now she's not here and the place seems a lot emptier...err...more empty?
Tomorrow is a new day. Back to work.
We've been cooped up for waaaay too long. A couple of days over the week we ventured out for short stints, but didn't stay out for too long. The air quality was atrocious. On each of the occasions we went out, I got a headache 10 minutes into the outing.
On the way to getting a couple of videos, I said fuck it, let's go to the dive bar for a couple of drinks. Turned out they were having a costume contest going on and a band playing. We were for an excuse to get out, and this was all just icing. Neither of us was really dressed to be out, but so what. haha! We drank and talked shit and met some other people and drank some more and talked some more shit. A quick drink turned into a fun impromtu all night thing. Let's recap:
1. Ran into a slutty French Maid - so unoriginal.
2. Ran into a slutty referree - not original, but very well pulled off. She was actually friendly.
3. Ran into a, err, equestrian rider? Whatever the fuck. She was actually classy looking. But she was the SPITTING image of Jody Foster!
4. Last and best, there was this older couple dressed in 20s attire, zoot suit and flapper girl, cutting some major rug on the dance floor! Those guys were the best.
Cabin fever cured!!
Work has been closed now for about a week due to road conditions, air quality and logistical issues. Unfortunately, there has been word that a couple of co-workers have lost their homes. Sigh. It is a damned awful tragedy. The only upside to this thing is that people listened. When they were told to move out, most people actually got the fuck up and moved when the authorities advised them to do so. Unfortunately, some dumbasses still stayed in their homes. Even more unfortunate some people may have not have gotten word that it was time to evacuate.
I am totally fine. My place was untouched by the fires - thank God. The only problem I am facing right now is how/if we are getting paid for the week we lost and not being at our desks. I understand it is a tough business decision to make. Paying your staff their wages when they are not there. On the other hand, I think as a responsible business you look after your people. If we could've been there, we would've been there. But we were instructed not venture that way due to legitimate safety concerns.
So I guess we'll see what happens.
One thing of note, some members our team stepped up big time. They willingly went into harm's way to make sure systems were up and running. Yea, the fires were THAT close to where we work. The next time people give IT people shit for not doing anything, they can kiss my ass. IT is there when you're not. IT is making sure the systems are in place for you come back to work and get on YouTube or whatever, pretending to work that you can do so.
I haven't felt this feeling in quite some time. Usually I feel it during hurricane season back home. Around the same time every year, the USVI govenment disperses maps of the Carribeans for residents. These maps are supposed to help facilitate tracking the paths of hurricanes and tropical storms that might blow through. Most of the time, the storms will miss us; sweeping out and hitting the Central America. May be curving back in and hitting the lower east coast of the US. May be even taking a sharper turn and hitting the islands of the Greater Antilles like Jamaica, Cuba or Haiti. But every once in awhile on that little grid, you can track a Category 4 hurricane as it marches inexorbaly towards you, a swathe of 100+ MPH winds intent on engulfing you, your home and everyone you know. This is why most people of back home will take a hurricane over an earthquake - you can see it coming. You can at least prepare.
As I write this a firestorm is raging to the east. Residents can see it coming, a storm of a different nature, but a storm no less.
Our prayers and thoughts go out to everyone.
How do you spot a nerd? I'm sorry, it's 2007, is the more PC term to say...how do you spot a "geek"? When geeks go foraging for the latest in tech and cheap deals, we (yes I am one of them) we like to roll in our uniforms. Note the comfortable walking shoes, in perhaps the Vans, Sketchers or K-Swiss variety. Note the cargo pants with the plethora of pockets. Note the communications device hanging off their belt; the real geeks will rock a smartphone, iPhone or something similar in a snazzy case to proudly display the device. This is like technological plummage to signal to other geeks, they are part of the pack.
I am geek, hear me roar.
When Columbus stumbled upon the Greater and Lesser Antilles, like any man who insists on not getting directions he mistakenly thought he was in India. Hence naming the place, The West Indies. Dumbass.
Lately through a bunch of friends and occurences, I've had to give a lot of thought and explanation to my West Indian ways. Yes, under the demographic section for "Ethnicity" for every form I fill out, the closest thing that describes me is "African American". However, that does not describe me accurately. If I have a choice, I go for "Other" because I am of Carribean descent through and through. What's the difference? There are a ton. Lately I've been given a lot of thought to why I am such a private person. Private, is he mad? He runs a blog on the internet. How can he be private. Pay attention my gentle reader: how often do details of and about my life make it into my blog? Think about your life, the places you go, work...the people you know...the thoughts you have...and think about all the specifics that make up those concepts. Now notice the utter lack of detail in this blog. For me there are clues, so when I use a pronoun or a vague description or a concept that I can recall the exact who, what, where, when, how and why of a situation. All warfare is based on deception.
When you live in a community that small, people are bound to know your business unless you keep it to yourself and within the family. Rumors and truth alike spread like wildfire back home. God forbid if you have prominent name too. So and so will see what the "child of xyz" did that morning in the market, by that afternoon the parents, uncles, aunts, cousins and neighbors of that child has heard the story. And oh yes, an ass whooping will ensue. No, not a spanking. A full on ass whooping. There are those people whose sole purpose in life is to gather information about other people; good info, bad info and fabricated info...it don't matter.
The question may arise, "so what do you have to hide?". The answer usually is nothing. The more apropos question is, "who do you want knowing your business?" By nature, people are nosey creatures. Especially people who don't have lives of their own. Or people who are bored with their own lives. People live vacariously through others. People track celebrities, politicians, athletes and their neighbors with sometimes fanatical obssession. The next natural step is to wonder how that information will be used. Information about the aforementioned is sprawled out on the cover of magazines, tabloids and newspapers. There goes the *how*.
As such, I have chosen...
...to keep my shit on the DL. I have my inner circle. There are people who know details, specifics...the clean and the dirty laundry of my life. But I choose those people. For those who want to speculate, let them. It's nice to be thought of. haha! Perception is a deadly enemy, while you can fight it you cannot always win against it. In this regard my battles are chosen carefully.
I don't give everyone access to the details of my life because everyone doesn't deserve access. After trust is demonstrated, access may be granted. In the mean, I have learned the art of talking a lot and saying very little. It is a very useful trait to have. Part of me admires those people who lay everything out about their lives. No question is off limits, no topic is taboo to anyone. While I may admire that about them, I cannot live my life like that.
One of the few things I actually liked about the East Coast was experiencing all 4 seasons. Leaves would turn. The air would develop a chill. The things I notice about California falls are a lot less dramatic. The air gets a little chilly in the morning and in the evening. The sky gets overcast. The sunsets are the most dramatic differences; that blood orange red tinting the sky. Those sunsets are my favorite parts of the California fall.
Football is a good thing about fall too. haha! Didn't really care too much for the teams who played tonight though. Akilah and I met up at Red Lobster. I've been feanin' for the All-You-Can-Eat-Shrimp Fest. Mmmm. There is a strategy to eating as much shrimp as you can in my opinion. Here is what you do: limit the carbs and anything that will take up space in your stomach. Pass on those cheesey biscuits. Ditto for the mashed potatoes and bake potato. If you must have a starch, get the shrimp fetuccine as one of your options. But don't order it again afterwards, because you'll just fill up on the pasta. I rotate between the scampi shrimp and the breaded. The breaded shrimp can fill you up pretty quickly too, so be careful.
I was reminded tonight how much of a grump I get when I haven't eaten for a long time. I suspect it isn't much fun to be around. When I haven't eaten for hours and hours, patience, conversation and patience (yes I know) goes out the window. Like that night me, Tasha and Asaunta were driving back East and we waited an inordinate amount of time to stop for food. I was NOT a happy a camper. Don't talk to me, don't engage me...just lemme eat.
Who got their asses whooped today?
The Raiders!
Who got scored on TWICE in the first 10 minutes of the game?
That's right, the Raiders!
Want some pancakes, bitches? Mwhahaha!!! Sunday didn't really start till 1:15PM when the Chargers began their ass whooping of the Raiders. For someone as loud and supportive of her team, Kiki was uncharateristically quiet. That's what happens when you're loosing! She thinks she's slick and I don't see her when she's rooting the other team when the Chargers are loosing; pumping her fist in the air, quietly cheering the other team on. Mmmhmmm. That's ok.
Today I made beer butt chicken again and it was tastey! Beer butt chicken, beer can chicken...whatever you wanna call it, it's the same concept. And as Alton Brown would say, it's damned good eats! Step 1: marinade the bird in your marinade of choice. My birds marinade for anywhere from 2-4 days. Step 2: take half a can of beer, add a couple of tablespoons of your spice rub and ram that can up the chicken's butt. You should be nice and take it to dinner first or pay it a compliment. Step 3: place the bird on your grill, on the opposite side of your heat source; coals or grill. Step 4: let it roast and manually rotate that puppy for 2-3 hours depending on the size of your bird. I use Jack Daniels smoking chips to add a bit more flavor as well. Those are the greatest grilling inventions EVER! The meat literally falls from the bone. Kiki who historically hates white meat, kills this stuff. Literally we killed that entire bird. Some folks were supposed to come over and thankfully they didn't because there wouldn't have been any food left. haha!
Oh yea, grilled up some pineapple too. Mmmm. Drizzled with some Parrot Bay, bit of dark brown sugar and grilled through. Oh. My. Goodness. Served warm with some ice cream...good times yo.
I did not want to sit at home. I could have gone out with Kiki and her friends downtown, but I opted out of that. Instead I headed to Visions by myself. Adria was there! Woohaa! So was Dave. So I really wasn't going to be myself. Andi and Gabe may have cruised through, but it wasn't assured. They showed up a couple of hourse later and joined in the randomness that is my life at Visions. As much as I want Adria and Dave to make good tips, I don't want a bunch of people there screwing up the vibe with their lack of appreciation for the coolness that is that place. So Andi and Gabe showed up, have some drinks and next thing you know, they decide we're going to TJ. Again. WTF?! It's already 11:30pm and they throw this curve ball at me. Part of me is like, it's late I just paid bills and it wasn't planned out. The other part of me is like, grow a set, cowboy up and go have some fun. And since I had to drive...because I was fated with the working car this night...I was driving. Sigh. So I call Kiki and let her know where I am going. YES. I called and talked to my gf. Worse case scenario if I turned up in a TJ jail, someone should know where I was lol.
3:03AM We cross the border back into the US
About 3:12AM Kiki calls me to see where I was, beating me to the punch of calling her. She's actually worried about me because she hasn't heard from me. It really is sweet and really is endearing. And it occurs to me why: it's been a long time since anyone was bothered about me coming back late or being out of contact. I know people out there worry about me and would be concerned if something happened to me. It's just been a long while since it was expressed.
What do you do when you are presented with an opportunity? There seem to be a number of options a person may take. Forks in the road as it were. One can take advantage of the opportunity. One can ignore the opportunity and let it slip by. That's what I thought until today. Today another option was revealed. The other option is a person can take is pretend to advantage of the opportunity. One can look the opportunity in the face and chicken out. Wuss out. Puss out. Cough up a big hair fur ball. Choke. Today I saw this path live and in living. I saw a person completely pass on an opportunity to gain/improve/move past. They crumbled. Oddly enough it wasn't surprising. They get points for being consistently weak.
In all fairness, I do not always jump on opportunities. You never know when an opportunity is a good thing or not. You never know if the opportunity is genuine. You just never know. But you can never know if you don't take the risk to find out. Which I guess falls under the category of wussing out.
We had planned to hang out tonight, but at the last minute I decided to chill alone. There are a million things going on in my head right now. Some of them are of the usual "rut" variety, some of them are my frustrations with several differnet aspects of my life and I just knew tonight I would not be good company. Thinking I would come home and wash my car, I chilled out for a minute and gathered to stuff to wash my car. And the damned self-wash was taken up for a good 90 minutes and the sun was setting. Ok, scratch that idea. So I tried to do some cleaning up around the place. Yea, no joy on that front either. I spent most of the evening with my mind split between listening to the fountain outside, Monday Night Football and Myspace. So basically I spent most of the evening trying to distract myself from the shit that was going on in my head. The present, past, future and what if's all collided.
One thing for certain is that I can be a pain the ass boyfriend. I'm moody, selfish, craver of space, an over-analyer and for all intents and purposes may be still in single guy mode. Tonight being a prime example. I just wanted to be alone to deal with the demons swimming around in my head about life. I didn't want to have to talk about work, family, health and whatever the hell else. And what did I do? I spent the entire night avoiding the stuff going on in my head. And we could've actually hung out! Grrr. I am an ass.
It's amazing the amount of little shit one can accumulate without paying attention. May be I can blame it on my genes? My paternal grandfather is a pack rat. My father is a pack rat. There, that's what it is. I'm a pack rat too and I can't help this disposition. Sigh.
Today I spent literally about 12 hours going through about 5 boxes in my office/guest room. At the end of the day (hehe), I had a big garden sized trash bag filled with shredded crap and the envelopes of the said crap. I swear, if you want to save trees in the Amazon - stop mailing out random shit to people's homes!! Most of the crap that got tossed was useless crap. Hmmm, there is a heavy usage of the word "crap" today. Quite frankly because that's what mose of the day was filled with - disposing of crap.
The payoff is now the other room looks that much better! That much roomier without the boxes hogging all that space. To think I've been moved in for 9 months and still have boxes from the move. The REALLY sad thing is the age of the stuff that was in the boxes. I was finding receipts from Deleware, the cross-country trips to and from, the summer I was in SB 2 years ago...and all manner of random stuff! Hell, I came across the little game Chelsea made for me 6 years ago when we were studying at UCSB.
Oh yea, the Chargers opened a 6-pack of whoop ass Sunday!! The Raiders are next for their ass whooping! Black and silver gonna be black and blue come Sunday!
After removing the bed from the frame the bed feels way different. Not sure if I like it just yet, but it does feel different. Feels so different I almost slept through my brake job appointment! Being the good little GenX that I am, I grabbed my laptop and some movies to kill time. Mapquest said 17 minutes to the dealership. I did that puppy in 14! While in the waiting room, I discovered that my DVD player in my laptop doesn't work anymore! WTF?! Grrr!!! Now I for damned sure better find my warranty agreement for that. Also, reminds me that I need to get that desktop up and running ASAP. Grrr!!!
Anyway, afterwards Kiki and I went shopping because my fridge was looking like a prototypical bachelor's. Sigh. No food, no snacks, no drinks, no nothing. Very NOT like me. Target here come; good times at the lil red dot. Got me a log holder for the fireplace for next to nothing! Dope! We also got Monopoly!! We've been talking about that for longest time and we were in line and Kiki realized we hadn't gotten it. If we were in a movie, we would've busted a high speed 180 to head back down and get it. Then we were faced with a decision. Classic Monopoly or Update Monopoly? Apperantly someone got the brilliant idea of updating the pieces, the board and the prices for things. So instead of paying a couple of hundred dollars for a property, it costs 2.2 million dollars. I'm all for newness, but sometimes the classics are very satisfying. So I guess we'll see how this works out.
While we were unpacking the car we got locked out of my place. While I was at the car, I heard the security door slam shut and I immediately thought - "it's locked". And 2 seconds later Kiki yells out, "Tony do you have the key?". Sigh. So I head to the guard house thinking, since the office requires us to all give them a copy of our keys may be the security guard will let us in. Nope. The fucker gets all insolent with me. I was ASKING if it were possible, yet he was TELLING me it was the homeowners responsiblity and they "can't do anything for you." So my question is this: what is the fucking point of a) giving my key to the office and b) having these guards roll around in their little golf carts?? I was PISSED even more. Fortunately Kiki's sister knew a locksmith and within 30 minutes he was at my door. And within 30 seconds he had picked my lock. Holy effin' shit. Mental note: buy a pitbull.
A friend of a friend asked me recently why I was no longer involved in the church. My friends remember the days of me not cursing, not drinking, saying a lot less, spinning all kinds of shit that people did and other crap to fit the person I trying to be. By no means is the following an apology or explanation, more of a delcarative statement on my views. On the flip side, if something I say hits a little close to home and you my reader choose to be offended, well that's on you.
In no particular order:
1. Not being to talk to my kids about birth control or safe sex practices. No, not my biological kids, but rather the ones who looked to me for guidance and help to not fuck up like the adults did. Not being to talk to my kids about safe sex practices bothered me big time because a) the whole abstinence thing was NOT working. Kids were getting pregant. b) the elders of the church were practicing safe sex in their own fornication and extramarital affairs. Yea, I said it out loud.
2. The wanton bashing of other religions. I'm not even taking into account non-judeo christrian religions, but christians can be pretty damned fucked up to one another. I find it fascinating that people in one breath can extole the virtues and teachings of Christ, while in the next breath condemning their fellow man for not worshipping the way they worship.
3. The lack of spiritual humility many Christians exhibit when they talk about their beliefs bug the hell out of me (no pun intended). Job during his trials not only never cursed God, but he never shoved it in anyone's face, his blessings after God stepped back in putting his life back right again.
4. Swearing up and down they are "saved" is another thing that bothers me. While accepting Jesus/the Lord/baptism is a conscious human choice...the actual process of getting into heaven in my opinion is not really our own. We are weighed and measured according to God's terms. I could get into a debate about sola fideles and sola scriptura...but even then those are man made concepts. The prostitute on the cross lived a sinful life and at the end redemption was given to her. The bragging about being saved also rubs me the wrong way because there is no humility in that as well.
4a. By the way, why are most portrayals of women in the Bible tainted? Eve...Lot's wife...the prostitute on the cross...Jezebel. So unless a woman is giving birth (Eve and Mary), her place in the world in quetionable? That is a purely rhetorical question.
I consider myself a spiritual person. No doubt according to many schools of thought I'm probably going to hell. While I do not hope I am going to hell, I believe getting to heaven requires integrity, sincerity, humility and honesty. I pray daily and try to talk to God as often as possible. My Bible is always close to me as are the lessons I have learned from it. When I am judged, I pray that I am judged for who I am rather than what I tried to be.
This is Tonyism.
Ms. K flew out today. Me not happy at all. It was fun having her here and I'm gonna miss her. I have GOT to remember that the airport is NOT that far from my place. My friends probably spend a lot more time waiting for a plane than necessary because of this little misconception.
By the way, the Padres suck ass!!!