September 2002

Sunday, October 20, 2002
This week was a blur. There is really no other way to put it. There was work, rehearsal, school (in there somewhere) and God knows what else. I haven't written here not for lack of stuff to talk about, but rather, just a lack of time.

One thing jumps out at me and that is how flying hell does Anna Nicole Smith get a show!?! Are we, as Americans, that hard up for entertainment? I have yet to watch the show on principle, but when I've seen her on does not reveal someone's whose life I want a glimpse into, no matter how fictionalized. She's a brainless, huge, skanky bimbo who by some evil plot got airtime. Somewhere it's written that America's export is entertainment; movies, music, etc. When foreign people's see this and think Americans are dumb, let's not scoff as to why they feel this way.

Today I worked and then went over lines at Cami's with Lauren, Ed, and Dave. Things are coming together and nicely. Hearing the lines out loud makes all the difference. Now there's that little matter of doing in front of people. Haha! Afterwards, it was Jacuzzi time. Damn that was nice.

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Sunday, September 29, 2002
I had no weekend to speak of. You want to know what I did? I worked. I closed Friday, open and closed Saturday, and opened and closed today. That was my weekend. On the one hand I made a little money. On the other hand I did SQUAT!!!

Tonight I saw 2 things that gave my day light. First as I was waiting for my wings at KFC, that they were OUT OF, this girl sat down in front of me. Her jeans scooted down, and her thong scooted up. Nice. As I drove home, it got me to thinking - at some point don't you ask yourself why is it so breezy back there?

The second thing that really brought light to my day was seeing a father care for his son, who was confined to a wheel chair and suffering from mental developmental issues. I couldn't help but think: that is love. To bring your child out, getting them out of the house, with all of the complications associated with doing such a thing and not caring. That IS love.

The pics below are of Mollie! We took them a couple of weeks ago. It was part, a birthday present I had owed her from last year and part she agreed to be my subject. During the shoot, I experimented with light and stuff. Cami is the other gal in the pics. The Dalmatian puppy is Ivy, and the big fluffy dog is Missy.

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Thursday, September 26, 2002
Hands down today's best news was learning that I got an A- in my Sci-Fi Literature class today! Apparently the grade hasn't posted or whatever in the system yet - bleh! Grade aside, English 192 was the best class I took at UCSB. It wasn't your typical 'formula class'. You know the ones: you take tests and write papers a certain way or you don't pass. Bleh! So back to reality. Today was also the first day of Fall Quarter. The countdown is on! This quarter and then the next.

For the record, Tuesday's journal has nothing to do with me doing any rash. It's hard to explain exactly what it meant, but it did NOT mean I am going to do something drastic. My life for the next 5.5 months is pretty much laid out and I'm not looking to mess with that.

Not sure if I mentioned this, but I was cast in a play. One of the fellows from my acting class is a playwright and wrote 6 one act plays. I am in 2 for sure, and possibly a third. Needless to say I am scared crapless as these are my first. We met up at the Elephant Bar tonight, ostensibly to talk about the different scenes, but we ended up just talking mostly about everything BUT the play. I was a little ticked at this because 2 hours and a dinner later, we hadn't accomplished much. Also, everyone at the table was having their own little conversations about this or the other and I wanted to work, rather than just talk. I ended up leaving early because I was thinking of all of things I could have been doing instead. That and I was having a hard time hiding my frustration. I was also ticked because all through dinner, Cami and Dave were going on and on about their Las Vegas vacation this weekend and inviting people at the table. I swore up and down that I didn't recall getting an invite, but Cami said she did invite me about a month and a half ago.

After I got home, Cami called me on my cell and asked what was up with my abnormal behavior. I explained to her the stuff in the aforementioned paragraph. She pointed out, one of the important factors of a successful play is the bonding of the cast members off stage. In the future I will make a concerted effort to be more fluid about things. She also stressed that she did tell me back then about the Vegas trip this weekend. As I write this, I still don't recall the conversation, but I acquiesce.

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Tuesday, September 24, 2002
For most of my life the cast of the MASH/4077th have been a part of my life. Back when my grandparents made us watch it, because they wanted to and there was only TV in the house, to now as an adult. In all that time, I never saw the series finale in its entirety. Tonight I saw more of it…what I think amounted to about 75% of it. I love that show. I don't know why the makers chose to set it during the Korean conflict, but they pulled it off. They tackled just about every issue of the human condition, and then wrapped that into an entertaining and funny 30 or so minutes. How they did it, I don't have the foggiest idea. However I do know that I have much respect for Alana Alda. He is an incredible actor and producer. Though he is one of the main forces behind the show, he is never always the main character. He allowed other members of the cast to be focal points. This was even evident in the series finale.

One of the things the finale hit home was the issue of good-byes for me. I hate good-byes. Hate in the strongest sense of the word. There were several times in my life when I either HAD to say good-bye to people because I had no control of the situation or was unable to say good-bye because I wasn't around to do so. Before graduating from high school, I knew 4 different sets of classmates. In 9th grade when I thought I would have some consistency, I had to say good-bye to 2 sets of friends within the span of 2 months. Later in 11th grade I lost my great-grandmother sans the benefit of telling her how much I loved her. Then a year after high school, I lost both my adoptive parents in the span of 2 weeks. They were my best friends' parents and the passed away while I was in LA. I loved them both dearly, as they took me into their home for better or worse like one of their own. About a year after that, I lost my mentor from high school, Mr. John Beauvais. His influence on my life can be felt to this day.

It is necessary to say good-bye I admit. Chapters must end, and others must begin, that the story may continue. However, there are those rare and profound instances where fate ends the chapter mid-sentence.

My story has progressed, in directions I could never have predicted. It has its challenges and its rewards. When it is all said and done (hopefully many, many years from now), I hope it will be a good story to be told.

Time for bed time. Don't know what it is, but my head feels like it's going to explode!

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Monday, September 23, 2002
Have I mentioned how much I LOATHE bad drivers? Seriously, bad drivers are on my top 10 list of things I really do hate. Honestly and truly do hate. For example, this girl, probably new to UCSB in a mustang STOPS at the entrance to the freeway going, because she's trying to merge left. She missed her light, we have the green and she's sitting there waiting, while people are backed up behind her. WTF?

I have a few rules about driving:
1) If you are afraid to drive it, don't buy it. This goes for people who have high performance cars AND wagons. Also for people with huge SUVs, who have no spatial awareness whatsoever. Do everyone a favor: take it back to the dealer. Why am I so harsh? These are usually the people who are doing 63 in the fast lane, backing up blindly into the street, or waiting/taking the right away, in situations they shouldn't be.
2) If you can't drive it don't buy it. Granted everyone starts out not knowing how to drive a car, and I concede this readily. Hell, I didn't start driving stick till well after I had my license!! And even now I'm not the best, because I don't own a stick. Still I know my limits. I have no business behind the wheel of a high performance car, in situations that put other people at risk. Unfortunately the same can be said for people sporting Accords, Jettas, Altimas, or whatever.

I was reminded today that the quarter doesn't start till Thursday!! Yeehaaa!!! I was tripping off of sleeping in today. Tonight I may even call it an early night. It occurred to me today that I really didn't have a 'weekend', because I worked and ran around. So today and tomorrow are now my de facto weekend days. :-)

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Sunday, September 22, 2002
I nearly killed the snooze button on my alarm clock. I really, really, really did NOT want to get up this morning. I think I got about 6 hours of fitful sleep last night. So I dragged my butt out of bed and got ready for the drive to LA. BTW, on the way there, I stopped at this small Mexican joint around the corner from my house for food. The place is called El Sitio and they have a number of others in SB; check them out if you're in SB. Anyway, I love their salsas and wanted to put a new one in the burrito. See where this is going? Starting biting into the burrito and it was good. Then I hit the salsa and I'm 99% certain was a fresh, crunchy jalapeno pepper. My mouth came on fire! Oh my god! I dealt with it and hung in there, but god it was hot!! I ate about half of the burrito before I caved in…haha! The messed up thing was the capscin (I'm sure I spelt that wrong, but it's the oil in peppers) stayed on my tongue for most of the rest of the day! Haha! Oh it hurt so good. Lol.

So we got to the venue, and as I predicted we were NO were near the venue. When we did the Spago's thing before, there were people everywhere milling about. Now, the streets on all 2 sides had cops ushering people; and rough guess there were twice as many visible cops than any year I worked. Not to mention the large contingent of plain-clothed security, which if you looked hard enough were easy to spot.

On a final note I was irked because we were given a stretch of street about ¼ long to park the cars, but only ONE NexTel and NO head sets. So we ended up driving back and forth yelling for car numbers. I was ticked and my feet were ticked, but we pulled through.

Did I mention that I drove home right after? Left SB around 12PM and came home around 3AM. Nice, huh? Bleh!!

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Saturday, September 21, 2002
Ok, today I am pretty sure that I was measured and weighed by one of my female co-workers. She walks up to me and asks, "How old are you?" and "Are you married?", and then just walks away. Left me there scratching my head and the notion that, oh yea, I was summed up. Haha! I felt so dirty haha! However for my first day I did well I think. Opened 2 new accounts and did about $2,000 in sales. It was cool because I had to leave, but people would be like, "could YOU help me?" And I'd say that anyone could help them, and I have to leave soon, and they'd be insistent on me closing their sale for them. I thought that was the ultimate compliment.

After work I jetted, literally, up to the Circle Bar B to drop of their pics and stuff. I LOVE that road off of Refugio, but it's a bear on the suspension. If my car could talk it would be cussing me out!

Then I went home, showered and rested for exactly 11 minutes and 2 seconds, the exact length of Mozart's Requiem Mass on MP3. Then I got ready and dressed for graduation party, I was going to with Beth, Cami, and John. It was a fun night! At the party they played the most Anglo rock and roll you could possibly imagine! I mean really, really, really Anglo! If you were there you'd go, "dang this is some really white music up in here". I must point out, it was my friends (Anglo themselves) who were making these comments…haha! I was dancing, rather TRYING to dance to it, and John came and dragged me off saying that I "couldn't use so much rhythm while dancing to this." Haha!!!

Afterwards, we went to Sharkeez and we were in MY element - hip hop, R&B, house and techno! Aww yea! The highlight there was when John left us to go dance in the middle of a bunch of college kids to techno!!! Haha!! It was a damned fine night.

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Thursday, September 19, 2002
Today it just hit me that Fall session may be starting Monday! WTF?!! As I'm typing this, this reminder ALSO means that my last 2 quarter countdown is on!! Nice.

Today, Cami and I had lunch at a Chinese joint and ended up talking for like an hour and a half. What was supposed to be a quick lunch and catch up turned into a much longer catch up session. Goleta Camera called to let me know that Mollie's pics were also done. So I picked them up before we met for lunch. With Cami's permission I may post some of them. Some of them came out really well, even better than I anticipated. Some of the other hand came out messed up. For that set I used a reflector to try and control of the some of light was partially successful. Where the light control worked - it worked really well. Where it sucked - it sucked big time.

Later on tonight, I went and took pics of another play at the Circle Bar B. I didn't get the name, but it's running for a couple of weeks up there and in Carpentaria and I highly recommend it to anyone! It's a comedic musical, with a really talented cast.

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Wednesday, September 18, 2002
Alright folks, what the hell is going on out there! For the month of September the Treehouse is up to almost 20,000 hits as of this posting! Look, I'm not complaining and frankly it is really dope. As the author it a great compliment. Still - there's no sex or nudity on cam. Anyone have any theories please email. Thanks again! And NO I am not visiting my site to skew the numbers. The only time I visit my site is to make sure uploads look right. Other than that, I look at the files on my computer.

Today was another day of training at work. Couple of things bugged the hell out of me. One was the people were calling and messaging each other on their cells DURING class. Some had the decency to get up and take it outside, while others just sat there. The other thing that really pissed me off was everyone in such a hurry to run through the material. This one chick at the end, ran through one module, got up to do the exercise before anyone else could, and then was standing by the VCR to end it. I'm going to have to say something about this next meeting.

After work I jetted - literally - to Carpentaria to make an audition. One of the fellows from my acting class is a writer and has written 6 short one act plays. We cold read one act and did a couple of others normally. 2 of the 3 I connected with instantly. The last was a really well written, yet still sort of out there. After that I jetted back to Goleta. Love that drive.

Ok, I am torn between 2 cars (both of which I can't afford anytime soon, but gotta keep hope alive!), the 1998 Toyota Supra Twin Turbo (6 speed of course) and the new to be released

Infinti G35 Coupe	1998 Toyota Supra

Infiniti G35 coupe. There are things I love about both and I'm sitting on the fence. The Supra has the twin-turbos, does 0-60 in 4.9, and is just all out sexy! The G35 coupe has a 6 speed too, more amenities, available factory 18s and Brembo brake package. I know just about all there is to know about the G35C that has been released to the public and I love it. Sigh.

Time for me to pass out. As this is written I have a bunch of old school hip hop MP3s playing in the background…Eric B. & Rakim, Slick Rick, Run DMC, and others. Also downloaded a bunch of old school and new dance videos. It's true what they say about nothing new under the son, because a lot of the moves that are "new and cool" now were used waaaaay back in the day. That whole pop and lock routine action - old school. Rent Beat Street or any other 80s break dance movie.

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Tuesday, September 17, 2002
Ok I just hit an all time guy low. I am officially a bachelor. So I was getting ready for work and needed to trim up the 'fro in the back because it was looking ragga muffin, but I don't own a friggin hand mirror! So what do I use instead? The shiny side of a CD-ROM. I'm a firm believer a person should only need ONE mirror in their house...in the bathroom...quick check...good to go...apparently I was very, very, wrong!! Hahaha!!

Today was the first day at my new job and it went out better than I thought. I went in there with just a part time gig in mind, but then I was offered a fulltime gig. I'll be thinking about tonight and deciding if it's really something I want to do. There seems to be a lot of that going on. People wondering which path they should continue on…and I doing much of that myself. My countdown is on and who knows what awaits after.

As I am writing this I am listing to Mozart's Requiem Mass - damned good stuff!

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Monday, September 16, 2002
Today I posted my first rant! Check it out! Email me and tell me what you think or post something on the message board. It is LONG, but I it's a fast and fun read. I don't care if you disagree…matter of fact, I'd be glad if you DID disagree about anything!

There was this girl I've known since I was about 4. The folks we group up around swore that she and I would someday get married. For the longest even through college I had a thing for her, but never ever asked her out. Once on a trip back home, we got together and caught up and I finally fessed up to liking her. She also fessed up to liking me too, but had 2 things to say. First she never understood why I never did ask her out, because she knew I liked her and wanted the same. Second, she didn't like how my demeanor would change whenever I was around her; essentially I'd turn into Forrest Gump in her presence. She went to the other high school and we were both active, we both saw each other in the roles we had. Hell we literally grew up with each other! She liked it when I wasn't trying and just being my goofy, sarcastic, and intelligent self. The 'Tony' that wasn't 2nd guessing and holding back. Ain't that a kick in the head! Moral of the story: loosen up! If the person you're trying to pursue isn't interested in the real you, rather your "representative", time to move on! More importantly, just be yourself. Seems to work for me, when I stop letting my brain get in the way.

I also found out today that I'm working at the Emmy's again this year. Yay? Eh, whatever. It can be really fun for the first, gee I don't know: 10 hours! I'm such the anti-fan because I don't pay stars any deference. They honestly are just people to me. Stars are just people who have done extraordinary things in some cases, but people nonetheless. You go to some functions and some of the are like, "don't you know what I did/who I am?" And there are those who a really cool and down to earth. Jay Leno is best example of this kinda star…totally mellow and laid back in person. However the guys I work with are usually pretty damned funny and it should be a very interesting day. I'll write about it after I get back Monday.

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Sunday, September 15, 2002
Sometimes I have to wonder just how sick I am. Not sick I the physical sense, but rather the disturbed mental state I sometimes exist in. What are you talking about, you ask? Ok I LOVE the Food Network and I love to cook even more. Even as I write this, I'm awaiting Good Eats to come on. That show is da bomb! Another show they have on there is Door Knock Dinners, where they go into people's homes (don't think they will be coming our way anytime soon! Haha!) and then prepare a full meal using just what they have in there. Now if they came over here, they'd probably pack up and leave ASAP! Lol! Anyway, thinking I'm a little skilled in the kitchen, I'm thinking I can pull this off myself and told Cami about it. She agrees and the challenge is on for me. My confidence was quickly replaced with, "holy crap what am I thinking!??!" Walking into a foreign kitchen, not knowing what ingredients are available or what kind of cutlery or pots. Luckily I already did spend some time in their kitchen, so I did have an idea of what they had to use and where it was stored. Long story short: grilled chicken (brought by another friend) sausage and shrimp (in a dill sauce I found there), roasted brussel sprouts using a lemon vinaigrette, cheese tortellini with olive oil and dried herbs. Ok, I've been humbled, but I can still kick ass in the kitchen!

Hmm…think I'm going to crown myself, Iron Chef Caribbean. Haha! Before the cooking ensued, I took portraits of Cami and Mollie, but mainly Mollie. Hopefully, some came out well enough.

For those of you who have been voting for me - thank you!! Last week I got as high as #3 on www.thislife.net. Thank you all!

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Saturday, September 14, 2002
Today was spent mainly hanging out at home with roommates taking care of errands and crap. While I was working in my room and my roommates working in the driveway, I provided music for all of us. Cambridge SoundWorks ROCK!! Loud music helps in my concentration oddly enough. Last week was the last weekend of Summer Session and now I'm able to breathe. Although financially it was incredibly difficult not working and going to school, it allowed me to focus on class and what not and THAT was dope. I applied a 110% effort to class and am very confident my grades will reflect this.

We BBQ'd and played board games, while I got hopped up on diet Pepsi. It was actually really fun and didn't want to leave the house, as this was the day after their potentially fatal car accident.

For some reason my journal list nomination this constantly popping up, rather than waiting for you to click on the link. It's on me, don't get pissy, as I'm looking into it.

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Thursday, September 12, 2002
Why do me and missed opportunities and go together like peanut butter and jelly?? Last day of class I was finishing up my final and while thinking of something creative and totally BS to pull out of my butt to wrap a question, I make eye contact and we smile at each other like kids, with this girl I noticed towards the end of term. She's already done and going over her assignment with the instructor whereas, I'm still stuck on this last section. WTF!?! What should I have done, thrown my paper down and gone and talked to her? Taken the high ground, complete the final as best and fast as possible and THEN talk to her? Of course I do the latter. Life can sure suck monkey balls sometimes!!

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Sunday, September 08, 2002
As I'm writing this journal, I'm listening to a Weird Al marathon on my playlist. Haha! If that doesn't give you a hint into my mood, dunno what will! Haha! Current tune is 'Amish Paradise'. That song is so freaking funny! Now it's 'It Smells Like Teen Spirit'…haha!

Fairly called today and we had a 2 hour, 22 minute and 32 second conversation! I know this because the conversation drained the battery on my cordless and that's what it read out before it starting crying for more juice…haha! Although we haven't spoken in dog years, we just feel into just catching up. Recently our class had their reunion, which turned into a debacle from what I heard. Ivanna Eudora Kean Class of 1992 was a very interested class. We were polarized between the slackers and the ultra-competitive academics. There were some others, whom like myself were all over the spectrum.

Today I got the best thing: sleep. Our project is practically ready to be turned in and it'll be dope to do so tomorrow. Most of use poured out 150% into it and it was dope!

Fairly made a really interesting comment about my Journal on here. She wondered if I was taking some kinda drug as I was writing it because I'm usually happy go lucky or giving big ups to some thing/one in here. Someone else also made a similar observation. Well, obviously I'm not going to air my dirty laundry so the whole world can read about it. And if I do, I'm usually really vague for the aforementioned reasons. But when I DO give big ups to my friends or some event, it's because that's what I am sincerely feeling at the moment. Has nothing to do trying to look good in anyone's eyes. In real life I'm the same way. There are some who believe that doing so, expressing those positive things they are thinking or feeling is a show of weakness. To hell with that. Life is too short for that kinda crap.

I've begun including voting links throughout the site, please use them. I'd really appreciate it.

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Saturday, September 7, 2002
Met with our group to show them how things will look over the Zine. I'm glad we did, as some things were not where they were supposed to be. We were able to work them out however and all was right in Camelot.

After the meeting, I really needed a break so I called up the Helmuths to see what was going on. Talked to Mollie for a bit. She's so freaking sweet it's not even funny. Hoping next weekend we can get together for some portraits. Turns out the guys were going to be left to their own devices, so I went over. This is where the story gets, err, interesting. Allegedly Max the night saw an ad for Appleby's Riblets…err, something I really hadn't heard of before. So we drive down to Camarillo….an HOUR away to get them. I needed some perspective and time to breathe. Dinner was a blast. We talked crapped all night. Nothing like hanging out with the boys. After we drove back to SB we watched Starship Troopers. Three words: Read the book. The book is so much better! Tonight I hope to get some real sleep!

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Friday, September 06, 2002
Most of the day was spent working on laying out the Zine with Irena. It is coming together nicely. We have a very cool mix of writing. Some very esoteric and loosely related to the genre, while others were in your face related to sci-fi. It's going to be dope. Whereas I am minimalist and very organized in my layouts, Irena is more 'outside the box' and visual. It was a good pairing.

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Thursday, September 5, 2002
Read somewhere the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results. Not everything or everyone is worth holding onto or fighting for. Sandra, friend from long ago, taught me a phrase that at the time I hated and it was "the reality of the situation…". I hated the expression because of how and when it was usually applied. However, the phrase has come to have a great deal of meaning for me. It is more apropos than I ever thought it to be.

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Wednesday, September 04, 2002
If someone calls or refers to you as a "no talent ass clown", that probably wouldn't be a good thing. Haha! That's a line from Office Space, one of my favorite friggin' movies of all time! The way it pokes fun at sterile, stifling, drama personified and total impersonal work environments is very right on! I thought it was complete BS until I worked at a place like that. Where you manager would show up 2 or 3 times a day to get updates to the same thing, KNOWING full you had all kinds of other stuff going on and STILL working on what they gave you. Managers who are so controlling and micromanaging, any attempts of creativity were reeled in the name of "pacing productivity" or some other crap like that. Let's not even talk about the personal problems lurking behind these same managers who are supposed to leaders. We all have issues right? It must be in the corporate manual some where that leadership is replaced with using your subordinates as your free treatment. Why is moral so low? There must be something wrong with the employees! Why are people unproductive? Well they must be lazy and lack initiative of course! This is not say that there aren't lazy employee or people who need to be watched like a scientist growing fungi cultures. There are people out there who are like that and need that kind of "attention".

In defense of those leaders who do lead from the front, we all salute you. We salute you being there looking out for us underlings, representing, and leading with inspiration rather than intimidation. Good leaders aren't always nice leaders. Sun Tzu wasn't nice. Napoleon sure as heck wasn't nice. Bill Gates nice? Yea right! Tell those software developers in Seattle who are put on forced marches for weeks on end to make a software release date. The threat of being fired doesn't inspire them to go all out…it's something deeper and much cooler.

Worked with Irena from class scanning and working stuff out for our group's Zine. We came up with some bad ass ideas. She got a bunch of art books and what not so the pages could be framed with pictures. The cover we worked out kicks ass!

Something just occurred to me. Back when VHS was the "in thing", did we go around saying "hey, I have Beverly Hills Cop on VHS or tape"? Right before I was buying DVDs, I developed a small VHS collection, but I don't recall saying that. I mention this now because nowadays people will go, "hey, I got Office Space on DVD." Not simply that they have the movie, but we specify the medium. I do it unconsciously, but I just told someone I owned the movie and just blurted out the medium.

"You have been sentenced to 5 years in a federal-pound-me-in-the-ass-prison." Rent Office Space. You'll get it. :-)

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Tuesday, September 03, 2002
Today was a fairly productive day of sorts. First off to address the addition of that cam pic to the right of the page. The pic is the start of a transformation of the Treehouse. Over the next couple of months, expect to see a number of changes. They will include, but not limited to: a totally new layout, banners and other medium for advertising, and inclusion of other links. The cam gets the Treehouse on other web cam sites, which will drive more traffic to the site. Conversely, the hope is that some of this new traffic will help offset some of the costs of running this site. Believe it or not, as fun as this is at times, it is incredibly time consuming. Writing journals, taking and/or scanning pics, corrections, new aesthetic elements and not to mention hosting fees.

I'm not asking anyone to understand why I'm doing this. There will be those that will think that I'm doing this just to get attention and boost my ego. Everyone is welcomed to their opinion. My motives are very up front, take it or leave: increase site traffic and offset the cost of running this site. While at the same time having a ton of fun with it. I will be avoiding as much as possible affiliations with overtly adult sites. That isn't my bag, especially as I know some of my younger friends and family visit.

Ok on to the other stuff. Today was another day of presentations in class. One was bad ass! This one girl in class did her presentation like a talk show. She wrote up a script of questions and answers and got one of the guys from my group to be the host. Hands down it was one of the best, if not THE best presentations given, including mine!!

After that I went over to Chelsea's to work out some stuff we're working on together. She's giving me a hand with a project. It is much appreciated!!

Then I went to the beach for some alone time. Goleta Beach isn't Magen's Bay or Coki Pointe back home, but the sounds of waves crashing is universal. It is this sound that brings back to the beach to sit and think, time and time again. It was an awesome scene, as near campus pointe you could see people surfing, the sun was setting slowly into the horizon, and the breeze was crisp, yet not cold.

Last but surely not least: I've gotten in contact with Fairly again!!! Woohaa! I'm pretty sure I've introduced her before in my journal. I've known her for a lot less than some of my very close friends, yet nonetheless our friendship is no less deep.

5 months, 28 days and counting…

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Monday, September 02, 2002
I LOVE it when I had a dream, know it is was bad ass and THEN forget right as I woke up. Great. This sucks ass because my dreams are usually really vivid, with lots of sensory information and lots of symbolism. Today I went to Sammie's birthday party. She's like 2 now? Beth and Mike forgive me for not knowing!!! It was fun. Stood around the BBQ and talked crap with the guys while tending to the burgers and hot dogs. Man work right there for ya!

Afterwards I drove some of the teens back to the Helmuths for some sort of last of the days of summer fling for Mollie and her friends. God I feel old around them! Is that the curse of getting over?? Haha! The funny thing was they were talking about styles and fads that were coming back. Ok, I was YOUNG when some of these fads were IN!! haha The horror, the horror!!

This morning I discovered that my site is now listed at Yahoo.com, Altivista.com and Lycos.com! Randomly I was checking to see if any of my keywords or content came up - and low and behold they did!! However, since I use frames only parts of the pages would come up. So I had to add some JavaScript to make the pages show up correctly.

Going on 4 years in January, I've known Jennifer. She's one of the first people I met when I moved to Santa Barbara. In all that time, we've hung out, dated sorta, talked a lot, chatted even more. We were chatting online tonight and talked about how things have changed with both of us physically. Since I moved to SB, I've gained about 35 pounds. She's gained only a few pounds…all of 5 or 6. Why are girls who still have a damned good body, still trip off of gaining a few pounds? I told her that I think she looks much better now than she did when we first met. Back then she was even younger, now she's matured and more of a young woman; experienced a sort of her own transcendence (something I've been proccupied with since this Lit class) in some ways. The irony is she may get on her OWN case for those 5 or 6 pounds, but women heavier than her would kill to be her weight and be happy. I don't get it. This obsession of wondering if one is fat or getting "fatter" when they really have no true cause for concern. Anyway, although she has been mentioned in journals, her pic has never appeared on my site. The pic next to this entry, is intended to change this. Although we live 10 minutes from each, we hardly see each other. I see more cam shots than of her; yet we're friends of a sort. I don't chase people to hang out, she doesn't seem to care, so I don't ask anymore. Oh well, we chat. This entry started out one way, and ended a compete other.

Also talked to Julie, my ex from last year. We dated from January to July; there are pics and journal entries from that time. Needless to say we broke up. About 6 months after we broke up, she got engaged to a guy she has known for 3 years or something. At first I was angry, then ambivalent, then sad, and lastly I just accepted it. Accepted us breaking up and accepted her rather timely engagement. Nonetheless, we had fun and drama aside, the relationship was filled with actual realness. Last night I was going through pictures to be used in a portfolio, I came across some of those of us from last year. It got me feeling rather nostalgic and today she called. She was off at Camp Ronald McDonald when she got my message about me seeing her doppelganger at City College. The conversation was both cool and sobering all at once.

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Sunday, September 1, 2002

Halloween 2000 - Me as a bad ass 80s/Miami Vice gangsta and Chelsea sans her tail and pitch fork as the little devil she is.

Tara is in town!! [That's not her in the pic over yonder. That's me and Chelsea.] She spent a scandalous year over in Europe and damn I'm glad she's back!! Oh lots of adventures!! The next 6 months are starting to not look so bad after all.

A long time ago, an ex-girlfriend of mine gave me a hard time for how guys do the whole ceremony about washing our cars. You know, I have to admit there is something to do that. On a Sunday afternoon I will back my car into the driveway and get it set up just right. Then I'll go and get the soap (Nu Shine in this case, though I prefer Turtle Wax), sponges, towels and lay them all out. After that I'll go in my room, open the window that faces the driveway, chooses an appropriate list of songs, and crank the stereo. Plug here: Eagle One Tire Gel is the shiznit! It's about the consistency of toothpaste, doesn't run like spray on stuff, and the shine will last at least 2.5 weeks. I kid you not. My tires are the only part of my car that's clean after so long without a washing…haha!

Why did I go on a 154 word litany on washing my car? I do so because it is a part of my life that I currently have control over. It's a small part, but significant to me. Life at the moment feels very much like that of Sisyphus' fate in Hades. He is destined to push a boulder up a hill, only to have it roll back down to the bottom and then he has to repeat this for eternity. Washing my car, just as doing other things in my life is like an anchor for me. Things may be incredibly difficult, but I can do 'x' thing and that thing brings me solace. Each of us have at least one. Don't forget it. Use it. By the way, you don't have to accept the fate of pushing that boulder forever. Because I sure as hell am not.

Then I witnessed the torture of Sisyphus, as he tackled his huge rock with both his hands. Leaning against it with his arms and thrusting with his legs, he would contrive to push the boulder uphill to the top. But every time, as he was going to send it toppling over the crest, its sheer weight turned it back, and the misbegotten rock came bounding down again to level ground. So once more he had to wrestle with the thing and push it up, while the sweat poured from his limbs and the dust rose high above his head.

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